Bitchwork

Tea People cat fight. Cool.

Strong Women, Weak Links

Love her or hate her, you have to admit Sarah Palin is a true conservative who sticks to her principles come what may. I'm trying to imagine Palin ducking, dodging and weaving the way Methane Mitt has been for a week now. I can't see it. Palin would be trying everything she could dream up to sell the true conservative agenda, not camouflage it behind moderate rhetoric and pink vapor.

The Cheese Prince has a reputation among right-wingers as a principled conservative. I'm curious to see how he enjoys playing Mini-Mitt in his debate tomorrow. Biden needs to push him hard to find out if the cheesehead is a weak link.

Sue the bastard...

According to former First Dude Todd Palin, the new bio of Alaskan bimbo Sarah Palin is full of lies. So we should expect her to sue McGinniss for libel... and if she doesn't sue, we can interpret that as a tacit admission that the book is accurate. Is that how it works ?

Another outbreak of insanity on the right

Every time I think America's right-wingers have reached the bottom, they find a way to plumb new depths. Talking Points Memo says the latest rationalization circulating among the lunatic fringe is that the presidency would be a demotion for Sarah (Snowbunny) Palin. Apparently her approval ratings are tanking even among faithful Republicans, which is an early indication there may still be hope for America.

Latest Sarah Sighting

Today I was browsing at the Barnes & Noble newsstand and spotted an entire magazine devoted to Sarah Palin. On the cover, in large font: "Sarah Palin -- Can she save America ?" As I wrote on Facebook, this is the one question to which everyone believes they have the correct answer.

I wasn't bored enough to skim through the Palin magazine, which sells for nine bucks, but I think I got the basic idea behind its marketing. I've decided that virtually all Palin supporters fall into one of two categories: (A) those who think her raw sex appeal is icing on the cake, or (B) those who think her hardcore right-wing political beliefs are icing on the cake.

Will on Sarah

I generally try to ignore George Will because his writing style reeks of self-adoration and is often just plain difficult to read. This morning, though, his topic is Bailin' Palin and like most Americans, my attention is usually attracted by her name in a headline. Will is a member of one of America's tiniest groups: conservative Republicans who express disdain for Palin's prospects as a presidential candidate. At any rate, I decided this column was worth a link. 

Addicted

Gosh, it's been awhile, but Sarah Barracuda is back in the newspapers. She's pissed because one of Ricardo's political consultants used the term retarded, and wasn't referring to a Democrat when he said it. If it wasn't this, it'd be something else. The woman needs headlines like a junkie needs heroin.

Winky and The Wad in 2012 ?

Holy mother Mary, I knew something like this would eventually get into circulation. This country's in an ungodly mess, but if we ever have Palin and Beck running the show, these will be remembered as The Good Old Days. Republicans... can't live with 'em, can't squash 'em like cockroaches.

A little Saturday Sarah

Watch the video here. Sixty-one seconds of inspiring patriotism. A bewildered nation is overwhelmed with gratitude --- although it's possible Sarah paid for this one herself.

Latest Palin news

In rough economic times, I'm always seeking ways to save a few dollars. This item in today's Houston Chronicle brightened my day, since I know I can economize by not buying the memoir planned by Trig's mom.

Birthdays in the news

According to an item at wonkette.com, Trig's mom is 45 years old today. I think I may start referring to her as Granny Grins.

Check the transcripts

I've been on the internet this morning, seeing how the blogosphere is reacting to last night's debate and checking my reactions against those of other people who do this.

Last week, I brought myself up to speed on the Falin interview issue by reading transcripts of what she said, then augmenting that with selected viewing of YouTube video. When you read what this woman is saying, as opposed to listening to it on television, it's practically guaranteed to produce sub-migraine headaches.

Added 9:58 pm, Saturday: I've read most of the snowbunny debate transcripts. When you read what she said in printed form there's a ton of gibberish there, indicating the success of her presentation is based on its visual component, not the exceptional content of her spoken words. And the visual component was all about foxiness and flirtation. As is usual in America, sex sells. Rich Lowry of the conservative National Review is ridiculed for writing honestly, if euphemistically, about his physical reaction to the snowbunny. My only complaint is that he should knock off that "starburst" nonsense and write about what was really about to burst.

Wasilla Vanilla... putting the poontang back into politics !

Origins

I'm a member of the baby boom generation, born in the first few years after WWII ended. I don't know much about the greatest generation, the one that actually fought WWII, other than what my parents have told me about it. The generation that my children are in baffles me more often than not. But I think all three generations have at least one thing in common.

People in my generation were raised to believe that since America is the greatest country on earth, every American can grow up to one day become president. The preceding generation taught us that, and we taught it to the following generation. I understand now that concept is horseshit but it's the way I was raised, as were millions of other baby boomers. America is probably the greatest country on earth; I haven't lived anywhere else but I've seen other countries in magazines and on television and most of 'em look like shitholes. So even though we have Limbaugh, we can agree that America is the best. That still doesn't mean everyone can grow up to be president, or even that they should think much about it. Our system of government was designed by the Real Greatest Generation, and it's complicated. Our economy is complicated too. Government ? Economy ? Both really complicated. The rest of the world is not like us, and by definition that makes it complicated. Foreign = complicated.

The president has a job that requires knowledge of the government, knowledge of the economy, and knowledge of the rest of the world, all things that are hard to understand. If his job was like college, you'd have to say he's carrying a really heavy course load.

Americans, having been raised with the horseshit notion they can all grow up to be president, believe the Prez is someone just like them. They want to vote for presidential candidates they believe are like themselves, who think like they do, who root for the same teams, fish the same streams, drink the same beer, eat the same pizzas, and so forth.

Reality check: It takes a huge shitload of money to get elected president. Most Americans don't have even a small shitload of money, and if they were able to save every dollar they earned in a lifetime, still wouldn't have enough money to make it through one presidential election cycle. And even if they somehow got their hands on the necessary cash, they wouldn't have the goddamned brains to handle the duties of the job, which involve working with things that are extremely complicated.

A lot of Americans still want the president to be someone just like them, since they haven't completely thought through the part about the complicated stuff. They want validation of things their parents taught them about the greatness of America. I believe many of the problems we're facing today originate in that kind of thinking by American voters, and the popularity of Gov. Falin, referred to by my sis as a duh girl, is the latest example.

And now, in the world of sports...

YouTube - Sarah Palin Retro Sports Report!

I kept thinking there was something about Spaylin that seemed familiar, and thanks to Huffington Post the mystery is solved. In 1988, Sweet Pea was the sports reporter for station KTUU in Anchorage, Alaska. Now I recognize her as the epitome of every hot chick doing news, weather, or sports on a local television channel. Truthfully, I think Pea found her calling and should've stuck with it. Someone once told me everything that's ever happened in the history of the world can be found on the internet, and with the help of YouTube we can still marvel at Sarah Sportsgal in all her glory. Somehow, I just knew that babe had "media" written all over her.

Parallels and BSRs

After spending most of Saturday watching college football and Ike updates on the tube, I've been scanning the blogosphere today for political news. One thing is becoming more clear by the hour, and that's the incredible similarity between W and Spaylin. The point that drove this home like a bullet right between my eyes was an item I read discussing how the neoconservatives plan to hitch their wagon to Spaylin's star. Apparently they see her as the same kind of blank slate W was in 2001, and expect to manipulate her the way they did W.

I don't have the time or inclination to write about every parallel between Spaylin and Jorge. Selecting one at random, they're both prone to cronyism, putting friends in positions of authority based on their loyalty rather than qualifications or competence. And Spaylin's already trying to use executive privilege claims to cover up stuff she doesn't want anyone to know about. It just goes on and on. The biggest difference between them is that Spaylin seems more seriously evangelunical than W ever was. I always had a feeling that W talked the talk to keep the evangelunical vote in line, but never gave a shit about walking the walk.

The national Basic Stupidity Rate (BSR) is calculated by simply averaging W's share of the popular vote in the 2000 and 2004 presidential elections. The national BSR is 49.28 percent, and BSRs can also be calculated on a state-by-state level. In Texas, the BSR is 60 percent, and in an asswipe state like Utah it's a whopping 69.9 percent. Ace and Sweet Pea are underperforming in any national poll that has them at less than 49 percent.

NOTE: A new national BSR will be computed after election day, reflecting the latest trends. My hunch is that Texas will still be at 60 or more. Around here, dumbass is a way of life.

Compliments of DU

I came across a variation of an old joke and thought it was appropriate for the ongoing discussion.

Spaylin is what's known in Texas as a post turtle. Imagine driving down a country road and spotting a turtle balanced on top of a fence post. First, you know that turtle didn't get up there by herself. She doesn't belong there and has no idea what to do while she's there. And it makes you wonder what kind of stupid sumbitch put her up there to begin with.

And that's my reconstruction of the post turtle joke.

Mayberry RFD

We already know about Wasilla, the little dipshit burg where Spaylin was the mayor for awhile. The more I read about her term as governor, the more firmly I'm convinced the whole frakkin' state of Alaska is just one big "small town" where everybody knows everyone else and the law carries his bullet in his shirt pocket. A lot like Mayberry on the old Andy Griffith Show. Check the stories about how Spaylin's hubby, unelected to anything, sat in on official meetings, and how she was able to draw per diem while staying at home. Pure hick town stuff.

Mooseburger

I just finished scanning the Dallas Morning News online Sunday edition, and had a few thoughts I wanted to write down--

At the DMN editorial blog, someone posted a 21-second video of Mooseburger speaking to a church congregation, probably her own, asking them to pray for God's will to be done in getting a gas pipeline constructed. The first thing that caught my attention was the distinct trace of Valley Girl in her speech patterns. Hadn't noticed that before, but she may be toning it down now that she's on the national stage.

As I expected, some of the letters to the editor are full of effusive praise for Mooseburger. It is Dallas, after all. I'd be willing to bet 98 percent of the Texas conservatives who are rallying around her today couldn't have told you who Sarah Palin was three weeks ago. Never underestimate the power of the media to alter the shape of reality in a matter of hours, and the incredible tendency of Americans to accept what they see on television as absolute truth.

Here's where I see things standing on this fine Sunday morning:

We have a state governor with almost no accomplishments anyone can name off the top of their head, but with "common folks" appeal (hunting, clearing brush, other outdoor activities) that attracts voters who want a president they think they could pal around with. Mooseburger also seems to think that God works through her, so it stands to reason that whatever she wants to do politically is what God wants as well. She makes a big issue out of her religious beliefs, but often appears to be talking the talk instead of walking the walk. Lots of lip movement about Christian values, but just another politician when you get right down to it.

Does any of this stuff sound familiar ? Been there, done that ?

Fun facts. Alaska is twice as large as Texas (570,380 square miles) with the population of Austin (626,900).

Einstein nailed it

There's a quotation generally attributed to Albert Einstein that defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Based on that definition, the United States must be insane. National insanity is the only thing that explains an airhead like Baked Alaska as the next VP.

Added 5:45 pm on Friday, September 5th:

From the Department of Half-Assed Witticisms Just Begging for a Response: Baked Alaska claims the only difference between pit bulls and hockey moms is lipstick. Pit bulls are ugly and often have vicious dispositions; Alaska brags about being a hockey mom. Draw your own conclusions. Asked about the words "under God" in the pledge of allegiance, Alaska says if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for her. What an airhead. Somebody take her into a quiet room and explain stuff to her.

Alaska's one of those Christians that wants books removed from public libraries if they don't meet her moral standards. While she was mayor of that dipshit burg up north, she wanted to fire the head librarian who was resisting her censorship attempts. Can you say Taliban ? God help us if this frakkin' halfwit ever makes it to the Oval Office.

Added 10:04 pm, September 5th:

The word I've read that seems to best describe the public reaction to Baked Alaska's RNC speech Wednesday night is hysteria. I'm imagining the mob of evangelunicals in the audience swaying, eyes closed, in the throes of rapture, bliss, or whatever they call it when they go into those semi-catatonic states. The media, including all the conservative blogs, have been pissing their pants over the beauty queen. Here's the most revealing point though: As the media frenzy crests and evangelunical adoration erupts, the campaign is pulling the airhead off the road and shipping her lame ass back home. The implication is they can't risk putting that dimbo in front of cameras and microphones and having her bimbo-ness exposed for the thinking world to see. Frakking incredible.

By the way, that speech that has the world in a foaming-at-mouth frenzy was actually written for a male VP nominee a week before Baked Alaska was announced. After she was designated, the speech was tinkered with a little, I would imagine to prevent incorrect gender references. At wonkette, they're referring to BA as a snowbilly. I like it.

Are you sure, Bruce ?

Letters: McCain's choice for VP Editorial Chron.com - Houston Chronicle:

"Democrats envious

The biggest problems the Democrats have with Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin are that she's cuter than Sen. Joe Biden and more of a man than Sen. Barack Obama. The fact that she exceeded the combined lifetime executive experiences of Obama and Biden when she finished her first day as mayor of Wasilla is just her backup advantage.

BRUCE ANDERSON
Houston"

Cut-and-paste from today's Chronicle. More proof of my assertion that the GOP depends for its survival on voters who, putting it charitably, are a few tacos short of a value meal. Pea, she of the big hair, will probably be delighted to know a dumbass like Bruce thinks she's more masculine than Obama. We already know Ace digs chicks, has ever since his POW days. I saw the YouTube video of Ace and Pea together on stage, and Ace seems to be giving her caboose a careful study, at least as much as he gave her list of qualifications.