Sex

Another woman is going public with a tale concerning her long affair with Pie Daddy, who must be saying to himself, "Kennedy was a skirt-chaser and he was president; Clinton was a skirt-chaser and HE was president. So what's the big deal ? Why can't I be president ? I'll bet it's because I'm a black conservative."

Just stick to pizza, okay ?

Sugar Cain is pathetic. Away from his desk at the pizza joint, he's just another dumbass. Stuff twirling around in his head ? I'll bet there is.

A Nuisance Call To End Them All

About six minutes ago, my telephone rang and the caller ID window showed 202-677-3013, listed as FEDR-2011 RSC. I've discovered calls identified like that are usually robo-calls and public opinion surveys, so I picked up. Whoop-ti-fucking-doo -- the voice I heard belongs to sex addict Herman "Sugar" Cain. Pie Daddy went into his spiel about turning America around and restoring her greatness, yada, yada, yada, then asked me if he could count on my support. I answered NO to that one, so he asked me to take a short opinion poll for demographic purposes. Questions about sanctity of life, sanctity of marriage, American greatness, yada, yada, yada.

It's too bad I was only hearing Pie Daddy's recorded voice instead of the godfather himself. I would've loved to say something like "F--- you, you worthless mother----er, and no, you aren't getting one mother----ing dime from me, you sorry piece of s---."

Comparing slimeballs

The longer this farce continues, the more Sugar Cain looks like a third-rate, low-rent version of the unlamented William Jefferson Clinton. Like Clinton, Sugar has a problem controlling himself around women and won't admit anything when he gets caught. Unlike Clinton, he has no identifiable political skills or aptitudes. Although it seems like an impossibility today, a Cain presidency would be a long hike through hell with a heavy backpack.

Added 6:38 pm: From Little Green Footballs comes a report that one of the two women involved in the original sexual harassment story has now identified herself and is ready to join with the sisterhood to lay out the dirty laundry on Pie Daddy. Looks like the godfather of pizza has a thing for blondes.

Assume the position...

When Sugar Cain says he wants to turn America around, he really means he wants to bend her over. The latest online gossip is that Perrito's campaign may be responsible for leaking the story about sexual harassment accusations. Interesting possibility, particularly if Cain is eliminated for being a serial harasser and Ricky Retardo is eliminated for ratting him out. Two birds, one stone.