Things learned this week by spending too much time online? From the late 18th century until the early 21st century, most Americans enjoyed living in the greatest nation on earth as part of their good fortune. Then, in the 25th year of the 21st century, a majority of American voters decided they would prefer to live in the silliest rotten shit-hole in the universe, while being led by the filthiest primates on the planet.
Band of Butters
OPINIONS NOT SUITABLE OR INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
Sunday, October 26, 2025
Tuesday, October 7, 2025
Assigned Total Value $0.00
I have no way to know for sure, but purely for the sake of discussion and to make a point, let's assume that Flabby Blabby 47 has added 4,000 people like Stephen Miller, Kash Patel, Pamela Bondi, Tulsi Gabbard, Pete Hegseth, Kristi Noem, RFK Jr, Russell Vought, and Speaker Mike Johnson to salaried positions of authority in the three branches of the federal government, but the only reason they were rated as qualified for their positions is their loyalty & devotion to F.B. 47 and their eagerness to help him completely destroy American democracy.
The point of this commentary is that Flabby Blabby and 4,000 loyal assholes have the accumulated value of 4,001 burlap bags, each containing a mixture of rat farts and rattlesnake shit.
PS: He didn't hire them, but we can add John Roberts, Smirking Sammy Alito, and Clearance Sale Thomas to the assortment of Flabbo's worthless MAGA mooks & democracy destroyers.
Friday, September 26, 2025
Filling Up Blank Space (Friday edition)
Sunday, September 14, 2025
America's Most-Loved Reality Show
Since reality television shows are the only goddam things in the world that Porky 47 comprehends and has the slightest idea how to do, and since nearly everyone who votes for him is usually glued to Fox News on a TV set, the office of President of the United States has been redesigned as a TV reality show that appeals to low-info people of voting age, and can generate huge viewer ratings by keeping them entertained.
To guarantee the show's success, every Republican in Congress or a management position in a government office at the local, state or federal level is required to emulate the conduct of the show's star, and build him up for the millions watching him on the tube by being just like him (an egotistical, ignorant, selfish liar).
Be popular, be like Mister President.
Monday, August 25, 2025
Correction re: Dictator Status
For some reason, the toad god smears a lot of orange grease all over his face, then dyes his hair to match the color shade of his piss. He misunderstood what Russians were telling him and didn't realize Pootin' actually just wanted him kept around as an available dick-taster.
Seriously, is there anything else he's good for?
Friday, June 6, 2025
Toad God vs Elmer Mush Update
While the country was being run by Pussident 47A and Pussident 47B, we knew we were in serious trouble as long as those two were swapping hand jobs. We could also be sure 47A would eventually get tired of 47B's domination of media coverage.
Now the ties that bind are loosened, and TRashdUMP is telling the nation that billions and billions of dollars can be eliminated as wasteful spending by simply cancelling every single subsidy and contract between Elmer Mush and the federal government.
Mush replies by suggesting that Toad God should be impeached and replaced by Shady JD Vance. Meanwhile, Toad God tries to jog in opposite directions on both sides of the highway at the same time (as usual). Whaaaat?
While the press decides who's winning the Toad God vs Mush cat-fight, Bimbo Bondi, who accepted a bribe years ago to dump her investigation of one of TRashdUMP's multiple scandals, is abusing her position as so-called US Attorney General.
Thomas C. Fugate is another Toad God sick joke that just isn't funny.