Band of Butters

Evangelunical bullshit

2012-01-30T19:06:00.001-06:00

The leaders of the conservative evangelical movement are seeing the handwriting on the wall. All of their favorite candidates have had their asses kicked, and they've been turning their attention to Gingrene. Now he's on the verge of getting his pasty fat ass kicked, too. Slowly, the religious nuts are realizing that Mitt the Mormon will almost definitely be the GOP nominee, and very likely the next president as well. Now, after doing everything possible to disrespect him and discourage support for him, those motherfuckers are telling us that if Mitt wants the votes of the evangelunicals, he needs to push their agenda to the top of his priority list.

TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT.

If Mitt is going to win the White House, he'll do it by winning a vast majority of the independent swing voters in all the purple states, and a few blue ones. Meanwhile, the evangelunicals will be voting for him in droves, because (as previously noted), they hate that damned N even more than they hate Mormons.

Mitt needs to ignore the fucking ultimatums, and when he wins, he needs to focus on the country's problems and tell the evangelunicals to stick their demands where the sun never shines.

Domino

2012-01-26T23:34:00.001-06:00

Here's the way the dominoes have fallen and will hopefully continue to fall:

Sugar Cain was the first domino to go down, because he couldn't keep his pants or his mouth shut. Then Santorum surged in Iowa, immediately knocking out Bachmann and mortally wounding Perry. Gingrene surged in South Carolina, diminishing Santorum to irrelevance and waking Romney up.

Now we're in Florida, and Romney finally has a bug up his ass. Reinforced by the big-money GOP establishment, he seems to be massing fire on Gingrene. If Romney wins Florida and comes close to running the table in February, the Gingrene domino should tumble.

Then after the conventions, Obama is able to give Mittens a shove and the last domino falls. Obama, with no more elections in his future, concentrates on keeping the Republicans in the House and Senate walking in circles like the guy with one foot nailed to the floor.

And that's how the dominoes fall in my preferred scenario.

Unification

2012-01-23T22:27:00.001-06:00

While I was waiting in the drive-through line at the credit union today, I listened to a few minutes of Sean Hannity's AM radio gabfest. As expected, he was on the phone with suckbuddy Newt Gingrene. We should all be glad to know that Gingrene will campaign as an American, not as a Republican, and that he will unite rather than divide the country. Everyone who believes Gingrene will unite the country as either a candidate or as president, raise your right hand and say "Me does."

Thought for the day

2012-01-19T13:27:00.005-06:00

Sometimes, my best days are the ones devoted to simple accomplishments.

Tragic

2012-01-15T11:38:00.009-06:00

Rick Perry has relentlessly devoted time and resources in blatantly pandering to religious fanatics that make up the so-called social conservative movement. Now they've flatly rejected him in favor of the other Rick. Adding an additional element of irony to this tale, the decision to unite behind S-Rick rather than P-Rick was made at a ranch near Brenham, barely fifty miles from Perrito's beloved Texas A&M. All in all, a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions.

Added 5:58 pm, same day: While we're on this subject... if Romney wins in November, he should slam the White House doors in the faces of those who organized, attended and participated in this dog-and-pony show. He'll have won without the support of the social conservative movement's leadership, and despite their opposition... so why shouldn't he cut off their access ?

New Hampshire

2012-01-10T23:28:00.002-06:00

I watched about 30 minutes of MSNBC's coverage of the New Hampshire primary results tonight. No surprise that Mitts won, followed by Pappy and my personal choice, Huntsman. Newter and S-Rick tied for fourth with about 10 percent each, and Perrito was sucking hind tit as usual with less than 2 percent. Moochele Bachman got more than 200 votes, which proves something, I guess.

Chris Matthews was talking with NBC analyst Chuck Todd and former RNC chairman Michael Steele, and as usual the chat turned to whether or not Romney can be stopped, and by whom. Todd and Steele agreed that of course he could be stopped. Maybe by Rick Perry in South Carolina.

Huh ? Perry ? Are you kidding me ? Hasn't a stake been driven through his heart yet ?

It's obvious that cable news channels like MSNBC want to squeeze every possible ratings point out of this turd, and they'll try to keep suckers like me tuned in by hinting that every big development in the campaign so far is actually meaningless, and that the next event is the big one that could turn everything upside down. See, South Carolina is tailor-made for Rick Perry's brand of... well, whatever brand of bullshit Perry is shoveling these days. See, Perry is the only true Christian left in the bunch -- everybody else is a Mormon or a Catholic. That's the kind of thing that counts in a bean patch like South Carolina.

I've watched college football games in which one team is behind by 14 points with less than five minutes remaining in the 4th quarter, and one of the announcers will remind us that the game's not over because the trailing team has an explosive offense and is capable of scoring quickly. The explosive offense has produced 10 points in 55 minutes, and I'm supposed to believe it'll score 14 more in less than five ?

Perry's behind by two TDs and the clock is running, but keep watching because he has a cannon for an arm, folks... or so say people whose salaries are determined largely by the number of eyeballs watching the commercials on their channel.

Really, who cares?

2012-01-07T23:38:00.003-06:00

I'm getting a strong feeling that nobody gives a rat's ass about P-Rick these days except the major Texas newspapers and a small number of the dullest Republican dullards. Someone probably told P-Rick that if he quit the race, he'd have to pay back all the money that was contributed to his campaign. That would explain things.

So which is it ? In or out ?

2012-01-04T13:30:00.006-06:00

This morning's headline at USA Today stated that after getting his ass whipped in Iowa yesterday, P-Rick was "suspending" his campaign and heading back to the safe haven of Texas to "re-evaluate" his chances in the clown parade for the GOP nomination. At last, I thought, maybe we're rid of that asshole as a threat to the future welfare of America. P-Rick told his few remaining supporters that the campaign had never been about him. Lying motherfucker... his entire political career has never been about anything but Rick Perry. Oh well, WTF. He's gone, so who cares ?

By the time I finished the daily crossword puzzle, the headline had changed. P-Rick was now tweeting that he's moving on to South Carolina. He apparently believes he'll be able to round up Moochele's percentage of the evangelunical vote now that she's seen the light and is hanging it up. That would get him into the 12-16 percent range. As a good ole Texas boy, he probably imagines that he'll appeal to the rednecks and crackers in SC more than a yankee from Pennsylvania like S-Rick. So if he can peel off a nice chunk of The Other Rick's religious crazies support... HOO-HAH !

Yuck

2012-01-01T22:56:00.000-06:00

This much is clear -- the Dallas Cowboys are to professional football as Rick Perry is to national politics. Overrated, unprepared assholes.

Flameouts at Christmas time

2011-12-20T01:02:00.001-06:00

That motherfucker in North Korea is dead. There are signs that Newter has peaked and is falling back into the pack in Iowa. And the U.S. House of Representatives is a goddamned embarrassment. Speaker Boner gets a kick in the groin from the tea-dious members of the GOP caucus every time he tries to cut a deal, and if this shit keeps up, maybe a bunch of Republicans will lose their House seats in November 2012. None of this qualifies as great news comparable to angels speaking to shepherds tending their flocks, but it'll have to do for the moment.

How low can you go ?

2011-12-08T22:29:00.001-06:00

According to Talking Points Memo, the big Newsmax "debate" hosted by publicity hound Donald (Haircut) Trump is down to two willing participants: Newter and The Other Rick. Even Moochele and El Perrito are boycotting that sick, sad attempt at a dog-and-pony show. How fucking pathetic does the Newt have to be to volunteer ? I mean, we already knew how pathetic The Other Rick was, and now we see Newter stooping to his level. It's pretty bad when you can make Perrito and Bachmann look dignified in comparison.

Perry Politics

2011-12-04T08:54:00.002-06:00

Since much of my future happiness and security depends on the health of the Texas Teacher Retirement System, shit like I'm reading in the Dallas Morning News makes my blood run cold.

Sex

2011-11-28T23:48:00.005-06:00

Another woman is going public with a tale concerning her long affair with Pie Daddy, who must be saying to himself, "Kennedy was a skirt-chaser and he was president; Clinton was a skirt-chaser and HE was president. So what's the big deal ? Why can't I be president ? I'll bet it's because I'm a black conservative."

Good News ?

2011-11-21T23:04:00.008-06:00

The congressional deficit-reduction super-committee is apparently ready to prove what most of us believed all along -- that the whole concept was an exercise in futility.

There is some good news here, however. In situations like this, where the parties are equally represented (50/50), the Republicans almost always get their way because they have a gift for marching in lockstep while there are always a few Democrats who wimp out and peel off to vote with the GOP. The Republicans not only get what they want, but if things don't work out as planned, they dodge the blame by claiming their measure had bipartisan support. I've been watching Democrats act like gutless cowards for years, and that's one reason I despise them almost as much as I loathe the fucking Republicans.

This time, though, it looks like the Democratic contingent held together in their insistence that any agreement would require revenue (tax) increases in addition to spending reductions. That always seemed like a reasonable stance to me, but since nearly every GOP motherfucker in Washington has signed the Grover Norquist pledge, I knew they'd never go for it.

The supercommittee's failure to submit a plan is supposed to automatically trigger billions in spending cuts from both domestic programs and the defense budget. Already, there are GOP slimeballs wanting to change the rules and take defense cuts out of the mix. Fuck that shit. Somewhere, at some time, those motherfuckers need to be held accountable for the consequences of their bullshit, and the Democrats need to stand tough and make sure that this is the time and the place.

The other good news is that nearly all the signs are indicating Perrito and Moochele Bachmann will do well to finish as high as fourth or fifth place in Iowa and New Hampshire, which should effectively finish them off as White House contenders. That would still leave Newtered and Sugar Cain in the running, but I can't visualize a scenario in which either of them wins in November. As much as I personally hate that fucking Perry, I worried that he might be able to fool voters just enough to squeeze out a narrow EC victory -- so if he really is ready to crash and burn, it's a load off my mind.

Exceptionalism

2011-11-18T11:36:00.000-06:00

The case for American exceptionalism could be made much more easily if half of the American people weren't ready to turn the country over to the likes of Sugar Cain, El Perrito, the Newter, Moochele Bachmann, The Other Rick, or Pappy Ron Paul.

Just stick to pizza, okay ?

2011-11-14T22:27:00.001-06:00

Sugar Cain is pathetic. Away from his desk at the pizza joint, he's just another dumbass. Stuff twirling around in his head ? I'll bet there is.

A Nuisance Call To End Them All

2011-11-11T19:08:00.010-06:00

About six minutes ago, my telephone rang and the caller ID window showed 202-677-3013, listed as FEDR-2011 RSC. I've discovered calls identified like that are usually robo-calls and public opinion surveys, so I picked up. Whoop-ti-fucking-doo -- the voice I heard belongs to sex addict Herman "Sugar" Cain. Pie Daddy went into his spiel about turning America around and restoring her greatness, yada, yada, yada, then asked me if he could count on my support. I answered NO to that one, so he asked me to take a short opinion poll for demographic purposes. Questions about sanctity of life, sanctity of marriage, American greatness, yada, yada, yada.

It's too bad I was only hearing Pie Daddy's recorded voice instead of the godfather himself. I would've loved to say something like "F--- you, you worthless mother----er, and no, you aren't getting one mother----ing dime from me, you sorry piece of s---."

Ricky Retardo's brain fart

2011-11-09T22:16:00.005-06:00

NOTE: UNFORTUNATELY CNBC HAS EXERCISED ITS COPYRIGHT AUTHORITY AND THE INCRIMINATING VIDEO DEPICTING THE IDIOT FROM TEXAS IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE.

Another awesome intellectual display from the longest-serving governor in Texas history. Where's George W. Bush when we fucking need him ?

Perrito's mother and daddy were interviewed by an AP reporter and claimed that America needs this asshole in the White House. Even his parents should know better than that.

Comparing slimeballs

2011-11-08T18:26:00.002-06:00

The longer this farce continues, the more Sugar Cain looks like a third-rate, low-rent version of the unlamented William Jefferson Clinton. Like Clinton, Sugar has a problem controlling himself around women and won't admit anything when he gets caught. Unlike Clinton, he has no identifiable political skills or aptitudes. Although it seems like an impossibility today, a Cain presidency would be a long hike through hell with a heavy backpack.

Added 6:38 pm: From Little Green Footballs comes a report that one of the two women involved in the original sexual harassment story has now identified herself and is ready to join with the sisterhood to lay out the dirty laundry on Pie Daddy. Looks like the godfather of pizza has a thing for blondes.

Assume the position...

2011-11-02T23:45:00.004-05:00

When Sugar Cain says he wants to turn America around, he really means he wants to bend her over. The latest online gossip is that Perrito's campaign may be responsible for leaking the story about sexual harassment accusations. Interesting possibility, particularly if Cain is eliminated for being a serial harasser and Ricky Retardo is eliminated for ratting him out. Two birds, one stone.

War is hell.

2011-10-31T00:02:00.003-05:00

It seems to me that Republicans are only against class warfare when they're losing battles and the war is not going well for them.

Penny-Pinchers

2011-10-28T10:23:00.009-05:00

El Perrito's tax plan would make life easier for Warren Buffett and Rick Perry. And when we get right down to it, isn't that what's really important ?

Meanwhile, in Washington D.C. Republicans are pissing and moaning about large cuts in the defense budget resulting in the loss of jobs. Really ? Government spending can affect employment ? They need to make up their minds about that once and for all.

It's bad, you know...

2011-10-26T23:13:00.005-05:00

It's bad. How bad is it ? Here's how bad it is: Karl Rove, formerly one leg of the three-legged Bush/Cheney/Rove stool, is on TV critiquing the GOP candidates, and most of his critiques haven't been favorable. When the levels of insanity and incompetence are so extreme that a worthless party hack like Rove is criticizing openly... that's bad.

OWS

2011-10-23T13:01:00.010-05:00

Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are basically wastes of space and oxygen, and if they both vanished into thin air tomorrow it would be a day too late to suit me. The only thing they're good for is helping me decide what I should support or not support. If Limbaugh is in favor of something, that strongly indicates I should oppose it. If Coulter is against something, I'll find something good about it. So it is with the Occupy Wall Street protests, which have the lardass and the skank puking up hairballs. I was indifferent regarding OWS until I started reading the opinions of those two and other right-wing scuzzballs.

Outkube.com

2011-10-20T22:43:00.002-05:00

I think I may have discovered the best website ever. Time will tell. Thanks, Little Green Footballs, for the story. And if it's all just for laughs, that's okay too.

Reminders of the Sixties

2011-10-18T23:27:00.003-05:00

This afternoon I was skimming through the Salon website and came across the link to a video called Hot Chicks of Occupy Wall Street. The title stirred my curiosity, and while I was watching the video I was reminded of the social movements that were going on in the country during my college years. The tea party hasn't produced anything to match what I saw in the video.

Football 2011: Week Six

2011-10-15T12:21:00.005-05:00

Texas A&M's farewell tour in the Big 12 conference continues today with Baylor playing at Kyle Field. The bears, leading 7-3 in the 2nd quarter, just missed a short FG attempt. I'm listening to the game on the radio since the Fox presentation on TV is unwatchable. I realized if I heard another word about the magnificence of the Baylor quarterback, I'd puke my guts up. The Aggies followed the missed FG with a long TD pass, went ahead 10-7, then let BU score a TD on one pass for 77 yards to trail 14-10. It looks like it's gonna be one of those days, since the Aggies haven't been particularly sharp on offense and continue to muddle around on defense. It'll be a shame if they blow what will probably be their last game against the Bears.

In the time it took to type the last two sentences, the Aggies answered the Baylor TD bomb with a nice 73-yard drive to regain the lead at 17-14. This may end up being a regular pissing contest, last team with the ball wins. At 2:30 today Oklahoma State is at Texas on ABC, and I want to watch the cowboys give the horns a beating. Any Saturday when the Aggies win and TU loses is a good Saturday.

Added 4:32 pm same day: In Austin, Oklahoma State receives the kickoff to start the third quarter and returns it 100 yards for a TD. Then they kick off, and the longhorns return the kick for a touchdown. That's probably happened in college football at some point, but I don't remember seeing it. Anyway, Oklahoma State leads 28-17 after the exchange of scores.

The Aggies settled down in the second half of their game and won it 55-28. In the first half both teams were able to score at will, but in the second the Aggies actually made a few defensive stands and continued to roll up yards and points on offense. I was finally able to relax with about ten minutes left in the game. If that was the last football game the schools play, it was a good one for A&M. Hey, Ken Starr -- this one's for you, muthafugga.

Added 7:12 pm same day: Well, it wasn't quite the one-sided blowout the sooners managed last week, but Oklahoma State finally put the longhorns down for the count 38-26. A convincing Aggie win over Baylor and another loss for Texas U adds up to a successful afternoon of college football.

9-9-9

2011-10-11T11:07:00.001-05:00

When somebody like Herman Cain says he has a great plan for America, he means that he has a plan that will be great for him and the rest of the millionaire class. I don't see anything in his proposed tax reform that will help me out -- and the sooner Herman goes back to delivering pizzas, the better.

Added 11:58 pm, 11 October: Michele Bachmann noted that 999 upside down is 666, the mark of the beast. Bless her for that, at least.

One Ricky too many

2011-10-07T16:19:00.001-05:00

Poor Ricky Santorum. If abortion and gay marriage were the only fucking issues that mattered to 95 percent of American voters, he might have a shot at coming in no worse than third in the GOP primaries. Unfortunately, those aren't the only issues and the president has very little control over them in any case. It's time for Santorum to come to grips with reality, realize he'll never catch the other Ricky, and stop embarrassing himself.

Trends and traditions

2011-10-02T11:36:00.002-05:00

Some troubling patterns are developing with the Aggie football team. In consecutive games against Oklahoma State and Arkansas, they've played exceptionally well both offensively and defensively in the first halves, building substantial leads against ranked opponents. They led Oklahoma State 20-3 and Arkansas 35-17 to begin the third quarters. In both games, they collapsed in the second halves, committing turnovers, dumb penalties, and major defensive miscues. I could write one meltdown off as the kind of freakish occurrence that most teams experience now and then, but at A&M anything that happens twice becomes a tradition.

The other pattern is even more disturbing now that A&M's move to the SEC is official. The last time the Aggies knocked off an SEC team was in 1995, the final year of the Southwest Conference. R.C. Slocum was still the head honcho, the Aggies would finish 9-3 and one of the 9 was a 33-17 win over LSU. Since that victory, they've dropped seven straight to SEC teams. In their 2000 bowl game, Mississippi State (coached by Jackie Sherrill) beat them 43-41 in OT. Franchione's 2004 team was blown out (38-7) by Tennessee in the Cotton Bowl. Under Sherman, it's been even worse: in 2009, blowout losses to Arkansas (47-19) and Georgia (44-20), followed in 2010 by losses to Arkansas (24-17) and LSU (41-24). Sherman's fifth consecutive defeat by an SEC opponent came in yesterday's game against the Razorbacks. I hate to say it, but this is not a good sign.

Mad man ?

2011-09-24T23:39:00.002-05:00

Jimmy Dick Perry, aka El Perrito. Making Sarah Palin look better all the time, and forcing me to think maybe George W. Bush wasn't so bad after all. When Fox News Channel spends time discussing how much he sucks, things must be headed south.

Rip him a new one

2011-09-22T23:41:00.002-05:00

In my nightmare, I'm totally paralyzed and helpless, lying on a bed while a TV set tuned to Fox News plays the latest Republican debate over and over again. I keep praying for a power outage, even though it would cause the life support equipment to stop operating -- at least I would never have to hear any more fucking bullshit from Mittenful, El Perrito, the other Rick, or the rest of those psychopaths.

I obviously didn't watch the latest debate, but according to CNN, Jimmy Dick Perry got gang-piled again. All the wannabes tried to get a piece of him. They won't be able to keep him from the nomination, but maybe they'll raise enough doubts among non-Republican voters to keep the motherfucker far, far from the Oval Office.

Sue the bastard...

2011-09-15T09:45:00.001-05:00

According to former First Dude Todd Palin, the new bio of Alaskan bimbo Sarah Palin is full of lies. So we should expect her to sue McGinniss for libel... and if she doesn't sue, we can interpret that as a tacit admission that the book is accurate. Is that how it works ?

Tortious Interference ?

2011-09-14T19:31:00.003-05:00

Does Baylor have a case against the SEC ? Maybe, maybe not. One blog says not. An article in Forbes says maybe not. Baylor is a candidate for an EMF if there ever was one.

Another W ?

2011-09-08T13:44:00.006-05:00

I didn't watch any of the GOP debate on TV last night since I have enough clusterfucks to cope with in my life already. The online commentary today indicates that it was a Mittens vs Perrito Show, with Newter, Pizza Guy, Ron Crawl, the other Rick (Santorum), and has-been Michele Bachmann just taking up space. Without having seen any of the exchanges and relying strictly on post-event analysis, it seems like Perry shares some of George W. Bush's worst tendencies. I hope that as the campaign progresses voters will see the same things I'm seeing and realize Perrito would be another W, only worse.

Perrito is sticking to his "Ponzi scheme" position on Social Security -- just like W stuck to every bad decision he ever made (at least until the wheels came off circa 2006). Refusing to change your mind is considered to be a strength in the subculture of Texan masculinity, so Perry will probably stand behind every piss-ignorant political statement he's ever made. With luck, that'll be enough to keep him from gathering momentum with independent voters and send him into a death spiral in the general election.

We are SO outta here...

2011-08-31T13:15:00.002-05:00

It looks like it's a done deal. The Aggies have issued an official announcement that they're leaving the Big 12 Minus 2, and at least one sports columnist thinks the longhorns are probably jealous. I don't know about that, but I hope it's true. The short-term consequences of a move to the SEC are pretty grim to contemplate, unless it turns out that TAMU really IS a legitimate Top Ten team at this point. I keep thinking back to the 2010 season, when the Aggies went on a run that by their standards was just short of a miracle. As good as the 2010 Aggies were, though, they still lost to Arkansas and were hammered by LSU in the Cotton Bowl.

So... I'm reserving judgment on the SEC move for the moment. The positive aspect that leaps out at me today is that A&M is probably no longer joined at the hip to the longhorns. The negative aspect is that for several seasons, the Aggies may be closer to 6-6 than to 12-0.

Got another one for me to sign ?

2011-08-27T13:41:00.001-05:00

El Perrito, having surged into the the lead in the Dipshit Derby, wants to cement his position as frontrunner by signing every pledge the lunatic fringe groups shove in front of him. What is it with these worthless motherfuckers and their loyalty oaths ?

Proof

2011-08-21T10:42:00.000-05:00

If El Perrito's goal is to prove that he's crazier than Michele Bachmann and a much bigger asshole than George W. Bush ever thought about being, he's off to a great start. Every time this dipshit opens his mouth, he proves that things could get worse in America than they are today.

Dropping like flies ?

2011-08-14T09:54:00.000-05:00

I guess Tim wasn't able to convince Iowa Republicans that they needed plenty of Pawlenty. I'm not really keeping track, but it seems like he's the first of the mullets to wise up and officially pull out of the race. I have a feeling that it won't be long until we're down to Perrito, Bachmann and Mittenful.

Today's WTF Political News

2011-08-02T14:20:00.001-05:00

Even though one of them hasn't formally announced his candidacy, some splooge rag has written an analysis of the race to the GOP nomination and decided it will probably come down to The Mittenful and El Perrito, mano a mano for the big enchilada. This is probably just more of the fucking bullshit that makes up most newspaper filler these days, but for discussion's sake I'll assume the writer is omniscient. The best part is that Palin, Bachmann, Santorum, and the rest of the lineup crawl back under their rocks, and the media no longer gives a fuck what they think about anything.

Assuming Obama is on his political deathbed as a result of self-inflicted wounds and an economy that prefers life in the shithouse to sunshine and prosperity, we'll probably wind up with El Perrito in the White House and things will go from bad to worse. Obama, for all his faults, isn't pushing to legislate the evangelunical agenda and can be trusted to keep the likes of Scalia and Thomas off the Supreme Court.

In the Twilight Zone ?

2011-07-20T23:16:00.002-05:00

A column by Dana Milbank in the Washington Post has me scratching my head and wondering if I went to sleep last night and woke up today in another dimension, a dimension of sight and sound and mind. Apparently there are Republicans speaking ON THE RECORD and saying that Ronald Reagan might not be welcome in today's GOP. I've spent more than twenty years watching Republicans pushing and shoving each other in disputes over which one is the TRUE HEIR TO THE LEGACY OF RONALD REAGAN. Now they act like he wouldn't be a player in the party ? Well, I guess it had to happen. After all, these are the same people who have turned on G.W. Bush like he has acne, leprosy and a bad case of gas.

Rick in the news

2011-07-18T23:29:00.001-05:00

I bought the local newspaper today because I had an urge to work the Monday NYT crossword puzzle (the only one that's easy to finish). Since I had shelled out the 50 cents, I started reading the news and came across an Associated Press article written by somebody named Tomlinson making the point that if Rick Perry enters the 2012 presidential race, he'd be one of the most conservative of the GOP candidates, maybe THE most.

To repeat myself, Perry is already running... he just hasn't made an official announcement. I figure it this way -- once he thinks he's got enough support to stroll to the nomination, he'll announce he's in the race. If things work out so that he fears an ass-kicking, he'll drop out of sight and pretend he wasn't interested in the first place. No way this fucking egomaniac wants to finish his career as a loser, and if he runs for president and doesn't make it all the way to the White House, he's a loser with a capital L. If he loses one-on-one to Obama, his political career is over, kaput, finis. The same holds true for any Republican who finishes second to that N.

The article went on to discuss all the glorious ways in which Perry is the poster boy for everything that sucks about American conservatism in the 21st century. There's no half-assed right-wing bullshit that Rick hasn't bought into. Something that sticks out is Perry's belief in intelligent design. That alone should disqualify him from further consideration for national office.

In another article I read online in the Austin American Statesman, Perrito implies he's hearing the voice of divine guidance, and that he's getting comfortable with the idea he's being "called" to serve as President, which is what America needs.

Sorry, Ricardo. American NEEDS gasoline at a buck ninety-nine per gallon, an unemployment rate under five percent, a few first-rate sitcoms on TV, and great discounts on BMWs and Audis. It DOESN'T need a cheesedick who denies the theory of evolution and makes George W. Bush look moderate by comparison. As we say in Texas, STFU and GFY.

Lunatic Fringes

2011-07-13T14:48:00.002-05:00

Last night, I decided to kill an hour watching Lawrence O'Donnell's show on MSNBC. One of the topics he covered was the pledge some hardcore rightwing group is trying to get all the GOP presidential candidates to sign, promising to honor their marriages and similar horseshit. An article in USA Today says that Mitt Romney and Tim Pawlenty have announced they won't be signing the pledge.

I almost feel sorry for Mormon Mitt. There was a time when people like him ran the Republican Party, and being a Republican didn't necessarily mean that you were crazier than a shithouse rat. Those days are fading fast -- the new GOP stars are flaming assholes like Bachmann, and to get any traction whatsoever, the Romneys and Pawlentys of the party have to lower themselves to her level. With that in mind, it's a little reassuring that Mitt and Tim have respectfully declined to sign the pledge.

Added 11:00 pm, Friday 15 July:

Okay, I gave Timmy Pawlenty too much credit too soon. My bad. Talking Points Memo reports on the level of desperation the Timster must be experiencing as he watches Crazy Eyes Bachmann suck the air out of his sails in Iowa. Default ? Okay, been there, done that. In Minnesota.

Discipline

2011-07-04T13:17:00.001-05:00

If America ever restores the practice of punishment by public flogging, I want to be in charge of designating people to be horsewhipped in the town square. I'm already keeping a list of names and adding to it daily.

Hot topics on talk radio

2011-06-28T22:49:00.003-05:00

While I was out driving around this afternoon, I decided to listen to a few minutes of Sean Hannity's rightwing gabfest on AM radio... just for old times' sake, you understand. For the ten minutes or so I was tuned in, the hot topic under discussion was Michele Bachmann and the terrible way she's being treated by the liberal mainstream media. Bachmann is a lot like that other broad, Sarah somebody, and tries to jazz up her speeches with references to history not as it was, but as she wishes it had been.

Like the other broad, Bachmann can't just smile sheepishly and admit she misspoke -- she makes herself look even dumber by jumping through all kinds of hoops to prove she was right the first time, and everybody else, including prominent historians, is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

God save us all if this bimbo ever wins any election other than the one for her cheesy little seat in the House.

Super idea

2011-06-17T12:26:00.008-05:00

I was skimming through reader comments at the USA Today website and came across this one:

"I expect Congresswoman Bachmann to eventually run as an independent Tea Party candidate for 2012."

The more I think about this possibility, the more appealing it becomes. It would give me actual data on the size and influence of the Tea-dium Party, and it would siphon off votes that would otherwise go to the GOP nominee.

Cheapskates and chickenhawks

2011-06-13T23:15:00.003-05:00

An article from the AP reveals that when it comes to religion, Rick Perry is all talk and very little action. In that regard, he's like a lot of right-wingers who make a big production out of their supposed devout Christianity. It's pretty sad when a poor sinner like me donates more to the church than a millionaire like Perry does. He reminds me of the chickenhawks in the Republican party who wrap themselves in the flag, pontificate about their patriotism, and look for wars for other people to fight. Frankly, if Perry wasn't pretending to be a big-deal Christian, I wouldn't give a shit about the chump change he slips into the collection plate on Sunday.

Mormon Mitt

2011-06-08T10:17:00.002-05:00

Mittens tells CNN that if he's elected next year, his faith will not guide his presidency. Is it possible there's a Republican who understands separation of church and state, or is this just more of Mitt's pandering to evangelunical voters ? To put it another way, would he be saying the same thing if he was a Southern Baptist instead of a Mormon ?

Von Ryan's Express ?

2011-06-03T19:20:00.005-05:00

According to The New Republic, there are indications that Rep. Paul Ryan may be planning to squeeze into the circus parade with hopes of landing the GOP nomination. Ryan's budget proposals have already become the official Republican policy doctrine, and as TNR points out that should make him the official leader of the party. If Ryan and Bachmann both join the quest for the White House, there will be two current members of the House of Representatives seeking the office.

I've already reached the conclusion that gerrymandered House districts enable a lot of freaks, rubes and dipshits to serve as U.S. Representatives. The number of votes required to win a House seat just isn't that great and unfortunately, House members like Bachmann delude themselves into believing their winning majority in the home district is equivalent to majority support in the nation as a whole.

Anyway, I can't recall the last time a House member was a viable presidential candidate. Recent history indicates it's hard enough for a senator to win the presidency, and like governors, senators have at least won statewide elections. Off the top of my head, it seems like Gerald Ford was the last House member to become president, and he only made it through a sequence of circumstances unlikely to occur again anytime soon. Senator Obama beat Senator McCain, but might not have beaten former governor Romney.

Eventually a Republican will emerge from the party clusterfuck, and conservatives will congregate around him (or her, as the case may be). The best thing is that whoever moves to the front of the line will push the other dozen or so assholes to the back of the line.

Pawlenty of criticism

2011-05-23T18:50:00.003-05:00

Today's Republican Party is divided into roughly three segments: (a) traditional tax-cutting, deregulating, privatizing economic conservatives, (b) hardcore evangelunical Christians, and (c) the Tea Party people. Some overlap occurs among the segments, producing glassy-eyed freaks like Michele Bachmann and that Palin gal.

Tim Pawlenty strikes me as possessing the tendencies of a group (a) Republican, and he's now apparently officially in the race for the 2012 nomination. Somehow, I had the idea that he was already in, but I suppose nothing is official these days until it's on Twitter or YouTube. Anyway, it looks like anyone who wants to run against Obama next year will have to find some way to appeal to all three GOP constituencies, with the unfortunate result that all their candidates will come off looking like Bachmann or Palin. That's sad, because the old Tim might've been a relatively nice guy.

Here's how bad things have gotten: Thanks to the Tea Party contingent, some guy named Herman Cain is in the race, too. Herman is famous for running a pizza franchise operation and as a right-wing talk radio host. Never held any elected office, but has decided to begin his political career at the top, rather than working his way up the food chain. Sorry, Herman. If I want a black dude in the White House, I'll keep the one who's already there.

Pulling Out Early

2011-05-16T23:21:00.001-05:00

According to USA Today, Donald (Haircut) Trump has decided he'd rather be a wealthy business tycoon and showbiz personality than president. His pullout comes on the heels of Hucklebuck's announcement that he will not seek the GOP nomination and, like Trump, will stick with his showbiz job. I have no interest whatsoever in the mere thought of a President Hucklebuck, but I admire the man for taking serious steps to shed a lot of excess weight. His decision to stay out of the GOP race is another reason to like him. That makes two.

So Trumpet and Huck are gone, meaning that by my count there are three Republicans committed to the race: the Newter, Pawlenty, and Ron Paul. Obama's still alive, then.

Please remit promptly

2011-05-09T09:27:00.000-05:00

To paraphrase Woody Allen... wouldn't it be great if life was really like this ?

Distractions

2011-04-27T12:34:00.004-05:00

Well, Obama has produced the so-called long form birth certificate that has kept the lunatic fringe in a frothing-at-the-mouth frenzy all these months. I'm not sure why he bothered, though. Sane people were already satisfied with the documents provided originally, and the birther crowd will assume it was fabricated by members of a vast left-wing conspiracy. And of course The Haircut wants to claim a share of the spotlight for himself, crowing like a rooster that he was able to get something done which no one else could accomplish. All in all, this is a perfect distraction for a nation that thrives on TV reality shows.

Solutions

2011-04-22T16:39:00.009-05:00

I've been reading a recent editorial in USA TODAY about the competing approaches to Medicare reform. The editorial says that as deficient as Obama's plan is, it's still better than Ryan's plan.

Republicans are devoted to a holy trinity of tax cuts, deregulation, and privatization. Those are the GOP solutions to any problem you can name, and basically the entire Republican agenda whenever they have enough power to get something done.

So Paul Ryan's plan to save Medicare is basically to privatize it through a voucher system. I can't recall a case in which the privatization of a public service or government responsibility resulted in (A) improvement in service delivery, or (B) more effective execution of the responsibility, or (C) reducing the cost of execution/delivery.

My thinking is that the profit motives which drive activity in the private sector are incompatible with the goals of public service programs, or government functions such as conducting military operations. Blackwater's involvement in Iraq comes to mind, which caused me to decide that if the United States couldn't carry on a war without privatizing a big chunk of it, we probably didn't need to start a war in the first place.

At any rate, I'll be waiting for someone to prove me wrong by reminding me of all those times that privatizing public services improved the service and saved money, too.

Tampering with justices

2011-04-21T12:32:00.005-05:00

A recent editorial in USA Today addresses one of the problems that keep me irritated when I let my mind wander into the political swamp. In several states, Republicans are trying out various attempts to politicize their judicial systems, which are probably already political enough.

My personal preference for divided government (either state or federal) requires the executive and legislative branches to be split between the two major parties, with the judicial branch being independent and non-partisan. As I see it, that's the formula for an effective system of checks and balances.

When the judicial system starts leaning too far in one partisan direction or the other, it throws everything else out of kilter. I could make an argument that if there had been one less conservative Republican on the U.S. Supreme Court in 2000, there might never have been a war in Iraq. Of course, we'll never really know now.

In a perfect world, there would be a method for either (A) electing judges in non-partisan voting, or (B) having them appointed by independent panels instead of by governors or presidents. As long as politicians want to sneak bad laws past voters, they'll keep trying to stack the courts with hacks who'll vote the party line.

Handouts

2011-04-13T11:19:00.002-05:00

USA Today says Donald Trump plans to solicit private donations from plain, ordinary folks to fund his potential campaign for the presidency next year. He says he wants to give Bobby Beergut a chance to invest in the nation's future or some hogwash along those lines. He'll probably have some investors, too, since he's on the TV -- however, I won't be among them. I have a principled objection to turning the White House over to anyone with a haircut like that.

Borderlines

2011-04-10T11:26:00.001-05:00

A Dallas Morning News editorial encourages the legislature to consider demographic changes in Texas when they undertake congressional redistricting. That would be nice, but I'm not holding my breath. I imagine Republicans realize they need to lock in as many incumbents as possible while they still can. There's a new world coming, and they're pretty sure they won't like it.

Injustice

2011-04-07T11:25:00.003-05:00

As a rabid anti-Republican living in Texas, I understand the issue to which Snoopy is referring. In my case, though, it seems more like a proctological examination without representation.

Rogue's Gallery

2011-04-01T10:06:00.002-05:00

The Daily Beast has published its list of America's ten most misinformed leaders. It's a bipartisan list and includes all the usual suspects. Number one on the list shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who's been following politics recently. Actually, calling the politicians on the list misinformed is a polite way of saying that they spread misinformation, either out of ignorance or because it suits them to lie like dogs.

Random Thought for Sunday

2011-03-27T17:38:00.002-05:00

I spent part of the day posting comments on newspaper websites under another of my numerous internet IDs, mostly replying to idiotic remarks written by Texans in the lower primate subdivision. Trust me on this -- the list of things you have to believe these days to be a conservative Republican in good standing is absolutely incredible.

Big talk from big boys

2011-03-26T13:12:00.004-05:00

According to a story in USA Today, two potential candidates for the GOP nomination are predicting a big Republican win in the 2012 election. A Republican win is certainly not out of the question, but it's a pretty safe bet that the winner won't be either of the right-wing lardasses making the prediction. Newter and Haley Blubber together must easily weigh a quarter of a ton.

Another outbreak of insanity on the right

2011-03-23T22:32:00.003-05:00

Every time I think America's right-wingers have reached the bottom, they find a way to plumb new depths. Talking Points Memo says the latest rationalization circulating among the lunatic fringe is that the presidency would be a demotion for Sarah (Snowbunny) Palin. Apparently her approval ratings are tanking even among faithful Republicans, which is an early indication there may still be hope for America.

Gutless

2011-03-12T17:29:00.001-06:00

Near the top of a long list of things that are discouraging to me is this fact: Rick Perry is exactly what most Texans want in their governor.

The editorial in the Houston Chronicle doesn't say it, but I will: Perry is as chickenshit as they come when he tries to divert attention from himself as the legislature completes its Texas chainsaw massacre on public education in this state. The 10,000 bucks a month we're pumping into rent for Perry's temporary mansion is also on the list of things that discourage me.

Same old same old...

2011-03-09T09:04:00.000-06:00

Each Monday the local fishwrap runs a sidebar on its editorial page called the Valley Tally (aka, How Your U.S. Lawmakers Voted). The Valley is represented in congress by four Republican members of the House and two Republican members of the Senate, so the votes are usually predictable.

For the week ending March 4th, all four House members voted NO on a proposed amendment to HR-662 that would have stripped the transportation bill of funding for the infamous Bridge To Nowhere in Alaska. People who have been paying attention will recall that during the 2008 presidential election, the Bridge To Nowhere became a symbol for out-of-control pork barrel spending by Congress. The kind of earmark that the Tea Party swore it would abolish forever. Yeah.

The same four GOP House members voted NO on a proposal by Democrats to suspend the oil depletion allowance and other big tax breaks for the energy industry. The price of gasoline is creeping upward toward four dollars per gallon at my neighborhood Exxon station, so I'm taking a dim view of any government subsidies that increase oil company profits -- not that what I think matters, you understand.

Same shit, different day.

Who's an idiot ?

2011-03-05T11:32:00.001-06:00

The Tea-dious are swaggering around like they own the fucking joint, and are getting more obnoxious by the day. Maybe they'll get a reality check in 2012.

What does he know ?

2011-03-02T10:23:00.000-06:00

Notorious commie propagandist Paul Krugman is at it again, trying to turn the world against Texas with another pack of lies about the fine work our legislature is doing.

This ? Or that ?

2011-02-23T13:13:00.001-06:00

Based on the results in this poll reported in USA Today, it's almost impossible for me to figure out exactly what the majority viewpoint is in this country. There's a good chance that people don't really know what they want, and I guarantee the political parties don't.

Added 1:38 pm, same day:

This column in the same edition of USA Today is as good as anything I've read explaining what's going on with Republicans these days, and confirms my belief that they're mainly interested in GOP dominance for years to come. Both parties are guilty of overreaching, and voters eventually punish them for it. Right now, conservatives seem to be overreaching.

The Public Sector

2011-02-20T14:53:00.006-06:00

In Wisconsin and many other states where Republicans are the governing majority, the primary goal these days is to chip away at budget deficits by making life as miserable as possible for the public labor force. The GOP recognizes an opportunity when it sees one, and isn't about to let a chance to demolish labor unions pass when they can claim it's necessary to protect public interests. My interest in most American political controversies is purely academic, but this time I have a dog in the fight.

My first job was mowing lawns for ladies in my neighborhood when I was in junior high. During my senior year in college, I was a courier for Western Union and delivered telegrams about twenty hours per week. Those two jobs were the full extent of my employment in the private sector.

I worked in cotton fields in the summers following my junior and senior years in high school, earning roughly 76 cents an hour. The labor was necessary for breeding experiments, and I was paid with a government check. Every other paycheck I received thereafter was issued by the federal government, the state government, or a local independent school district. After college, I was a public school teacher, an army officer, a GA in graduate school, then a caseworker in the state public welfare department and a unit supervisor in the same agency. All some form of government work, all paid from some public treasury or another.

I was never a member of a labor union, never a party to a collective bargaining agreement, and always earned considerably less than my friends working in the private sector for companies like Brown and Root or Halliburton. Except for the ones from the U.S. Army, every check I received had a deduction for both FICA and state retirement. In jobs offering health coverage, insurance premiums were also deducted. Federal income taxes were withheld, and nearly every dime I earned was circulated back into the economy. All the jobs were demanding and required variable amounts of uncompensated overtime, and I was always pissed off when some piss-ignorant fucking yahoo wrote a letter to a newspaper bitching about public employees slopping at the taxpayer trough and freeloading in general.

My father and my wife spent most of their careers in state employment also, and it wouldn't be a stretch to say that in many ways my life has depended on government jobs... so excuse me if my empathy with public employees in Texas and other places is offensive.

127 Hours

2011-02-15T23:35:00.006-06:00

To me, a great movie is one that shows me people, places or events I would never see otherwise, and affects me emotionally and makes me think in the process. Great movies like Saving Private Ryan, Schindler's List or Lawrence of Arabia help me visualize history more clearly than the text printed on pages.

This afternoon we saw a movie called 127 Hours, which dramatizes the experience of a young man named Aron Ralston in 2003. His story received a lot of news coverage, and eventually Ralston wrote the memoir this movie is based upon.

I remember parts of the Ralston story from headlines at the time, and was surprised when I heard someone was making a movie about it. I was even more surprised to discover the film met the criteria for greatness mentioned earlier.

Because of the subject matter, I can't recommend 127 Hours to everyone. Parts of it are extremely intense, to put it mildly, and there are probably many people who should see it and won't because of that aspect. For me, though, it was 94 minutes well spent.

One man's pork, another man's gravy

2011-02-12T14:49:00.003-06:00

Froma Harrop has written a good column about earmarks that reinforces my own thinking on the subject. A lot of people who piss and moan about pork and earmarks are really just chapped off about federal spending on projects that benefit someone else or that they don't agree with. If all earmarks are abolished, there's a good chance voters will be reminded of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for because you may get it.

Opportunism

2011-02-10T23:38:00.000-06:00

Never say Republicans can't recognize an opportunity when they see one. They've revealed a deficit reduction plan made of spending cuts to the tune of about 35 billion dollars. For example, they plan to cut the EPA budget and eliminate funding of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. The GOP wanted to shut off funding to these agencies and programs when we had budget surpluses, so this plan isn't what you'd call a profile in courage. Wake me up when they eliminate subsidies to ethanol and agribusiness, and cut foreign aid to the bone.

Accurate Observations

2011-02-04T12:07:00.000-06:00

I like Ron Reagan a lot more than I ever liked his deceased father, and he definitely has Sarah Palin figured out.

Judicial Activism

2011-02-01T14:20:00.009-06:00

When I have fantasies about the ideal federal government, I imagine the executive branch in the control of one party, with the other party controlling at least the House or the Senate. In my fantasy, the judicial branch is non-partisan, meaning a judge's decisions couldn't be predicted based on his/her party affiliation. Remember, I said we're talking about dreams, not realities.

What we have now is a reasonable approximation of my divided government ideal, except the judicial branch isn't free of partisanship. It's obvious the GOP is counting on their 5-4 advantage in the US Supreme Court to abolish health care reform legislation. Nothing has changed: Judicial activism is still defined as any court ruling one party doesn't agree with.

Rehab

2011-01-25T17:22:00.004-06:00

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords has been relocated to Texas Medical Center in Houston to begin rehab. A few years ago I spent time in a rehab center following brain surgery, and since then I've had a particular interest in following the stories of people with traumatic brain injuries. I suppose deep down I want to compare notes with people who've shared the experience. For me, there were parts of rehab that I dreaded every day, and I usually couldn't wait to get back in bed to lie down. It was only after I was discharged and had been home a few days that I began to develop tremendous admiration for all the people who took care of me and worked with me through the process

Whew !

2011-01-17T17:41:00.003-06:00

For weeks I've been reading about a staggering budget shortfall that was going to make for some really tough decisions in the new Texas legislative session. Now it turns out there's no BFD after all. The Republicans have solved the problem, and there was nothing to it. All they needed to do was have Rick Perry declare there ain't no budget deficit and presto, the problem disappears. His ability to make bad things go away by deciding they don't exist is as good a reason as any to explain why Perry's been elected a dozen times (seems like) and will be in office until he dies.

The Lunatic Fringe (continued)

2011-01-10T18:43:00.003-06:00

In case anyone was wondering what American craziness looks like, here's a picture of it.

Analogies

2010-12-11T16:54:00.008-06:00

I was reading about the deal Obama has been trying to work out with congressional Republicans over extension of the Bush tax cuts. It seems like many Democratic congress-critters are pissed off and ready to vote against whatever Obama and the GOP come up with. Sometimes it seems like Obama tries too hard to get along with Republicans, who are just waiting for him to turn around so they can stab him in the back. Then I read the Peanuts comic strip above, and realized that in today's political environment, Obama is Charlie Brown and the Republicans are Lucy.

Tea-dium Update

2010-12-01T11:15:00.005-06:00

After all was said and done, it seemed pretty obvious to me that the Tea Party movement that dominated the political news this year was really just another name for a bunch of aging, angry Republican voters. There's a good article in Newsweek magazine dealing with the Teadious People, who split along traditional GOP lines: (A) libertarian fiscal conservatives and (B) evangelunical conservatives. The story suggests a fissure may eventually develop between the factions over competing agendas, which wouldn't bother me at all.

Good Things Came

2010-11-26T17:40:00.001-06:00

They say good things come to those who wait. I think that adage is trying to make a point that patience is a virtue. Well, I've been waiting for the Texas Aggies to have something resembling a special season for a long time, and one finally arrived.

The Aggies won the Big 12 championship in 1998 with a dramatic OT win over Kansas State, then went to the Sugar Bowl and got thumped by Ohio State. The downhill slide started gradually the following year, and by 2000 all the signals were indicating a program in decline.

For the next ten years (2000-2009), four conference teams made life miserable for TAMU. Nebraska won three of four games, Texas Tech won seven of ten, Oklahoma won nine of ten, and Texas U won eight of ten. Add it all together, and the TAMU record against those opponents was 7-27. This year, the Aggies again played all four and got a sweep. It didn't balance the ledger, but it was a step in the right direction. For ten years, it was a big deal in College Station if the Aggies could beat any one of those four opponents, and beating two of the four in the same season was unthinkable and beyond the realm of possibility. In 2010, the stars were aligned precisely -- A&M was good, Tech was in a rebuilding mode under a new coach, and Texas was in the shithouse for reasons no one completely understands. Nebraska was solid, but self-destructed with penalties and turnovers.

My philosophy has always been that success results when ability merges with opportunity. This year the Aggies had the ability, they had the opportunity, and they were successful. Good things came to those who'd been waiting.

Aggie football on the TV

2010-11-18T10:51:00.002-06:00

The Texas Aggies have a nice string of wins going for them, and have won their last two televised games. The next game, against Nebraska, will also be on TV and I wonder if TAMU can keep their streak of televised wins alive. The huskers are favored by about three points at Kyle Field.

I'd enjoy seeing the Aggies finish the regular season at 9-3, which would require them to win four straight TV games (against OU, Baylor, Nebraska and Texas). That's a tall order.

The Aggies won the so-called "Bonfire Game" against Texas on November 26th, 1999. A lot of people had a psychological and emotional investment in that game, and I was among them. It was tense start-to-finish, with A&M finally pulling out a 20-16 victory. I remember telling God that if He would let the Aggies win that game, I'd never ask Him to help them win another one.

Apparently God took me seriously. For the next ten years (2000-2009) the Aggies had an extremely mediocre record in televised games. I downloaded the 2010 football media guide and did the research this morning. Overall, the Aggie record in all games televised 2000-2009 was 30-49, with most of the thirty wins coming against weak teams like Wyoming or Baylor. High-profile games against non-conference opponents like Miami, Virginia Tech, California, Georgia, or Tennessee were mostly wipeouts, with an occasional win mixed in. And of course there were a few memorable Big 12 wins against Oklahoma (2002), Kansas State (2000 and 2004), and Texas (2006-2007).

R.C. Slocum's record in TV games 2000-2002 was 11-10, and things went downhill after that. Dennis Franchione (2003-2007) went 16-28, and Mike Sherman (2008-2009) was a miserable 3-11. The Aggies went 0-8 in TV games in Franchione's first season, and 0-7 in Sherman's second season last year. The only post-season victory came against TCU in the Furniture Store Bowl in 2001, back when TCU was emerging and wasn't yet a major power.

In the Big 12, the Aggies had most of their good fortune in TV games against Baylor (4-0). They were winless against Colorado (0-2) and Nebraska (0-3). In the South division, excluding Baylor, the Aggie record was a pathetic 7-25, with Texas (2-8) and Oklahoma (1-9) causing most of the damage, and the Red Raiders getting in their licks (2-5) as well.

It comes down to this: For TAMU to finish 9-3 this season, they'll need to reverse a decade-long pattern in TV games. If they pull it off, Sherman and his staff deserve contract extensions and pay raises.

Recuperation

2010-11-10T12:59:00.002-06:00

Lately I've read several op-ed columns submitted by spokespeople for conservative think-tanks and corporate entities, and they remind me of a teenaged boy telling his father, "Dad, if you'll buy me the car, I'll wash the dishes, clean up my room, and cut the grass. In fact, I'll do all the chores around here and you won't even have to ask me."

I guess I'm too cynical for my own good, but for several years American business interests have been blaming high unemployment on the government. They tell us what they need are massive tax cuts and significant deregulation; when they have those, they can start hiring again.

Apparently, many businesses large and small have been able to maintain or even boost profits by downsizing their domestic workforces, moving offshore, and increasing productivity through technological advances. The people at the top of the economic hierarchy are doing well these days, thank you. At least that's what I've read.

Being cynical, I wonder: If businesses can get the tax breaks and deregulation they want from the new Congress, will they actually have the incentive to hire millions of American workers, pay them well and provide great benefits ? Or will they just take the money and run ?

That's what I think about in the economic recovery room these days.

Sooner (or later)

2010-11-06T15:05:00.005-05:00

After two weeks in a glide pattern against Kansas and Texas Tech, it's back to the grindstone for Aggie fans tonight when Oklahoma visits TAMU at Kyle Field. The Sooners lost to the Aggies in 2002, the last quality win of Slocum's tenure. Since then, OU has run off seven straight victories (2003-2009), including some of the most lopsided, humiliating thrashings the Aggies have ever suffered through.

Tonight, they're favored by less than a TD. Whether that's a sign the oddsmakers respect the Aggies or lack confidence in OU is unknown, but eventually A&M needs to reach a point where it's never a home underdog.

Maybe the line is small because the Aggies will probably start Tannehill at quarterback. He's done well in his first extended time at the position, but the defense he'll face tonight is a few cuts above the ones Kansas and Tech fielded.

Both teams have lost to Missouri: Oklahoma's game was competitive, and A&M's wasn't. As good a reason as any to give the edge today to the Sooners. I guess I'll watch as long as A&M can stay close, but it's too bad the game is being carried on Fox.

Added 10:12 pm: I stayed with the game until OU scored to narrow their deficit to 19-17 -- thinking, "Oh shit, here we go again." The Aggies to that point had played their usual televised game: a few brilliant plays mixed with just enough garbage (penalties and turnovers) to have me pulling my hair out. I hit the record button on the DVR and switched the channel to ESPN, where Kansas State was kicking the snot out of the longhorns. Maybe the best decision I made all day, because the Aggies got serious again and polished off the Sooners 33-19. DVR, here I come. I usually enjoy Aggie football more when I can watch with the relaxed mind of a man who already knows the final score. Taking out Texas Tech and OU on consecutive Saturdays is sweet, and the longhorns taking gas (39-14) for the fifth time makes it even better.

Tea-dium

2010-10-30T12:31:00.004-05:00

The people who make election predictions in the media have convinced me Republicans will regain control of the U.S. House next year, and might accomplish something like a 51-49 Senate majority if every single race breaks their way. If the predictions are accurate, the next congress will strongly resemble the ones that were in session from 1995 to 2007, when the Republicans owned the House and did no worse than a tie in the Senate (2001-2003).

According to what I'm reading, the latest version of the Republican contract on America is an ambiguous load of horse manure that promises tax cuts, massive deregulation of corporate America and financial institutions, and budget cuts that will amount to a tiny percentage of overall federal expenditures. In other words, their new plan strongly resembles every GOP plan since the one they brought with them in 1995. A few Republicans are already promising to begin investigations of the Obama adminstration, which resembles the GOP promises in 1994 to investigate Clinton's involvement in Whitewater and other scandals.

Looks like if you loved what was happening in congress 1995-2007, you'll be tickled pink 2011-2013. Something tells me a lot of people who joined the Tea-dious Party movement because the idea of that N in the White House made them crazy are in for a rude awakening and a reality check over the next 24 months or so.

Observations on Ego Trips

2010-10-21T19:44:00.002-05:00

Almost every day I stumble onto a news report like this one that discusses a recent poll indicating Republicans are poised to achieve landslide wins in the midterm congressional elections next month. If you believe what you read on the internet, Republicans will be running the House (definitely) and the Senate (probably) next January. All of these prognostications have caused me to think about politics at a time when I really have numerous better things to do.

First thought: News reports that focus on poll results need to be taken with a grain of salt. When I started blogging, I calculated the National Basic Stupidity Rate, which was roughly 49.4 percent. This was easily determined mathematically by simply averaging the shares of the popular vote gained by George W. Bush in the 2000 and 2004 elections. Any time I read about some poll, I always keep the NBSR in mind. When I begin with the premise that at least 49.4 percent of Americans will always be on the wrong side of an issue, it makes poll results easier to analyze and understand.

Second thought: For Republicans, this is as good as it will ever get, and they need to enjoy it. Republicans are a subset of stupid Americans, and there aren't enough of them to win any decent election outside of places like Texas, Alabama, Mississippi, Utah and Idaho. Nationally, only about 35 percent of Americans are dyed-in-the-wool hardcore Republicans. To win elections, the GOP depends on a supplemental vote of pissed-off independents. In this country there are more independents than there are Republicans or Democrats, or at least as many, and they invariably determine the outcome of elections outside of deep south shitholes and states with total populations roughly comparable to a metropolitan area in a civilized state.

Right now, the polls indicate that the 35 percent (hardcore Republicans) are being joined by at least half of the independents, who are pissed off about everything imaginable and often with good reason. All the media attention devoted to shit like Sarah Palin and the Tea Party has kept these folks in a condition of serious agitation about the economy, even those who aren't being directly affected by it. Independents aren't doctrinaire about politics and tend to vote based on whatever has them pissed off at any given moment, which is why they helped Reagan beat Carter and Obama beat McCain.

The Republicans ran the fucking country for most of the last thirty years, beginning with the Reagan win in 1980. The Republican agenda during that time was pretty basic: God, guns, gays, tax cuts, deregulation, and the exercise of raw military power. In 2006 and again in 2008, independents decided Republicans were responsible for fucking things up and voted for Democrats instead.

Any fool could've predicted it would take more than two years to clean up a mess that had been created over at least 10-12 years, but apparently a lot of independents expected better results sooner than they're getting them; since they vote based on whatever's pissing them off at the moment, they're telling polling outfits they'll vote for Republicans, who made the mess to begin with.

All of this leads to some major ego tripping by Republicans, who were sent to bed without dessert in 2006 and 2008 and now expect to be back in control in a few months. They've convinced themselves that they're about to "take their country back" from that N in the White House, and that America loves them again. For the GOP, as I said, this is as good as it'll ever get.

Here's why: After all the build-up in the news media, everyone expects the GOP to steamroll the Democrats in November. If they fail to win control of either chamber, it will be the bust of the century. They have to win the House and probably the Senate, too, in order to meet public expectations.

Assume they meet expectations. Now they own responsibility for fixing the goddamned mess, at least in the minds of the voters who switched from Obama and the Dems to put the GOP in control of congress. The mindset will be, "We gave the N a shot and he couldn't do it. Now it's up to you to get it done, motherfucker."

What have you seen during thirty years of Republican political dominance that leads you to believe they're capable of cleaning up any mess ?

Meanwhile, Obama is still in the White House. We're back to divided government, and things may get better in America as a result. It worked when Clinton and Gingrich were splitting the power, and maybe it will again. If the economy soars and unemployment rates drop significantly, the Republicans will get a lot of credit, but in reality public approval of Obama will probably also increase once independents start feeling good about life again. Obama will keep the Republicans in congress on a short leash, since in any scenario they won't have veto-proof majorities. This will prevent them from doing the kind of outrageous shit that turns sensible people against them. If the Teapeople have their way (and they probably will), the GOP nominee in 2012 will be someone like Palin. Then independents peel off in droves, and Obama wins a second term.

The other possibility is that Republicans take over in January but like the Gingrich revolutionaries, get sidetracked with shit like impeachment. Nothing constructive happens, the economy stays in the shithouse, and independents looking for immediate gratification realize they've been sold a bill of goods. Again, they drop the GOP like a hot potato.

So enjoy it, Republicans. Right now, you're riding the crest of the wave.

Another Saturday shot to hell

2010-10-09T18:35:00.000-05:00

I decided to watch college football this afternoon, and had two moderately interesting games to choose from: Arkansas vs TAMU in Arlington, and Alabama at South Carolina.

There wouldn't be much suspense in the Aggie game. The only real question was whether TAMU would play well and lose a close game, or play poorly and get blown out. I saw Arkansas play Alabama, so I knew that an Aggie win was highly unlikely. As it turned out, the Aggies didn't play particularly well, but they still kept the game fairly close. Final score: Hogs 24, Farmers 17.

Over on CBS, Alabama's plan to repeat as national champs was probably derailed by Steve Spurrier's Gamecocks, who are better than I expected them to be. They whipped Georgia early in the season, back when I thought Georgia was good, but that win was diminished when the Bulldogs went on their losing streak. Still, they were better than the Tide this afternoon and proved it with a 35-21 win. Alabama has replaced Southern Cal as my favorite college team, and I've probably put the hex on them.

The bottom line is that I'm 0-2 on the day, and I expected to be 1-1.

Life in the slow lane

2010-09-19T23:19:00.001-05:00

A little over a month since the extraction of all my teeth, and once again I'm learning that, facing a lack of alternatives, I can eventually get accustomed to just about anything. On the positive side, I haven't needed to spend a red cent on toothbrushes, toothpaste, or dental floss. My weight has stabilized, more or less, between 164 and 166 pounds, and my clothes fit more comfortably than they have in years. I've developed a fondness for hot cereal and scrambled eggs, and assorted other foods that don't require much in the way of chewing. I've also observed that gum tissue will eventually enclose exposed bone if you leave it alone and allow natural healing to occur. All in all, there's enough upside to toothlessness that I'm in no hurry to get dentures and start another transition period.

Tombstones

2010-09-01T23:12:00.001-05:00

When my time finally arrives, I hope someone will summarize my life with this brief epitaph: He had complications.

Gumming it

2010-08-19T17:06:00.001-05:00

During the surgery to remove my remaining teeth, I was supposed to be knocked out, sedated, whatever. For some reason, I came to my senses right in the middle of the process, and had to endure the agony of teeth being pulled out when they didn't want to be. The good thing about it is that I may have survived the most painful experience I'll ever have. Or maybe not. I always try to look on the sunny side.

At any rate, the pain has pretty much subsided now. Every place a tooth was yanked, there's a socket surrounded by swollen gum tissue that's puffy and tender. The combination of holes and swelling produces an effect that is similar to having my mouth packed with small chunks of foam rubber.

Among things that I took for granted were the number of times I pronounced words by pressing my tongue against my lower teeth. It was just something I never gave much thought to until I couldn't do it any more.

If I had it all to do over again, knowing what I know now, I think I would've taken more steps to prolong the life of my teeth. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Gummed up

2010-08-18T18:42:00.002-05:00

Last night, for the first time in many, many years, I went to bed without a single tooth in my mouth. My old teeth were ugly to look at and gave me trouble now and then, but they were mine and I miss them. The surgery to remove them was as close to torture as I'll ever come, God willing, and now the inside of my mouth looks like a tiny bomb went off in there. Most of the pain was gone by late yesterday afternoon, but talking and eating have become a whole new experience. I hope this is the very worst part of the transition to dentures and that it'll be over in a few weeks or so, but who knows ? There should be a rule that life gets less complicated as you get older, but things just don't work that way.

Catch-22

2010-08-05T13:58:00.002-05:00

I read an AP article in the paper yesterday that explains everything. Consumers are worried about unemployment, so they scrimp and save and don't spend much. Businesses don't want to increase hiring while product demand is low, which keeps the unemployment rate high, which in turn holds down consumer spending, keeping unemployment rates up, which discourages spending, etc. Perfect Catch-22 situation.

Football 2010 Forecasts

2010-07-23T11:20:00.010-05:00

It's nearly August, meaning another college football season begins in about six weeks. I've been reading a few of the 2010 preview magazines to see how Texas A&M is expected to fare. Athlon has the Aggies rated 35th and Lindy has them 30th. Both magazines have four Aggie opponents ranked in their top twenties: Arkansas, Oklahoma, Nebraska, and Texas. If TAMU wins any of those games, it would be a major upset. There are two games that should be toss-ups: Missouri (21, 34) and Texas Tech (37, 32) are ranked in the same ballpark as the Aggies in both magazines.

That leaves Stephen F. Austin, Louisiana Tech (84, 83), Florida International (118, 114), Oklahoma State (46, 39), Kansas (50,52), and Baylor (63, 67). Based strictly on preseason rankings, those six teams are the ones the Aggies would be expected to beat. Typically though, TAMU finds a way to blow at least one 'should-win' game per season. If I were predicting, I'd choose Oklahoma State as the likeliest to upset the Aggies.

If TAMU stays true to recent patterns, they'll be upset once, win one game in an upset, and split the toss-up matches. In that case, they should finish at 7-5. The final five games are brutal (Texas Tech, OU, at Baylor, Nebraska, at Texas), but three are at home. Of course, that doesn't carry as much weight as it once did.

My biggest beef with the Aggies since the last few years of Slocum's tenure has been their predictability. In most years since 1999, only one or two games each year had a surprising outcome -- the upset of Oklahoma in Slocum's last year, Franchione's loss to Baylor in the 2004 overtime game, his two wins over Texas, and Sherman's lopsided win over Texas Tech last year are good examples. I don't expect to live long enough to see TAMU consistently dominating their conference, but with luck they'll get good enough that their losses can't be predicted in July. For now, I'm calling it 7-5 with a minor bowl game. An 8-4 record or better will be a reason for dancing in the streets, but 6-6 is unfortunately also within the realm of possibility.

Roadkill

2010-07-13T10:32:00.001-05:00

I was out walking this morning and spotted a buzzard in the middle of the street about a block ahead, pecking at a dark red mess that had been an armadillo at one time. There was a car coming toward me and another one about to pass me from behind, and I decided there was a good chance one or the other would get the buzzard as he tried to lift off. Instead, he took a few steps to his right as the first car passed, then a few steps to the left as the second one went by. I thought, "Times really are hard, even for scavengers. That fucker would rather risk getting run over than fly away from a free meal."

Ubiquity

2010-06-30T23:44:00.003-05:00

Signs of the times. When I'm out running errands, I often see the same homeless guy. I assume he's homeless because he fits the description. Usually he's pulling one of those suitcases with a handle and wheels, but more recently he's acquired an old bicycle, which he rides around with his belongings secured in bundles tied to the frame and handlebars.

Today I dropped by my favorite bookstore. As I parked, I saw the homeless guy squatting near the entrance to the store, with the bike parked next to him. He seemed to be intently studying something he held in his hands. As I reached the doorway, I looked down to see what had captured his attention, and realized he was fooling around with a cell phone.

United States of America, 21st century. Even the homeless guys have cell phones.

Greens

2010-06-20T10:01:00.001-05:00

This editorial from the Chronicle deals with Republican efforts to get Green Party candidates on the statewide ballot, and brings back memories from an earlier decade. I sometimes wonder what America and the world would be like today if Ralph Nader hadn't been on the ballot in the 2000 presidential election. We'll never know for sure.

Provincial

2010-06-15T11:53:00.002-05:00

The salvage job on the Big Whatever is discussed here and summarized well. This has been a triumph for provincialism and self-delusion, and a loss for people like me who enjoy interesting college football. The elitists in Austin got their way again, held together a conference in which they have no serious competition other than OU now and then, and made more money off the deal to boot. The doormats like Iowa State, Kansas, TAMU and Baylor went along and deserve whatever they get as a result. The Southwest Conference outlived its usefulness and died fifteen years ago, only to be resurrected in slightly modified form yesterday, and now Texas and Oklahoma sit atop a conference that is roughly the equivalent of the Big East in terms of status. If there is any justice whatsoever, an 11-1 Texas team will soon find itself ranked well below other 11-1 teams from prestige conferences and will be ignored for national championship consideration as a result. Anyone who thinks it can't happen has no sense of college football history and never heard of Penn State.

Added 12:06 pm: Just saw a suggestion that the Big Whatever change its name to the Mack-Ten. I like it.

Another dumbass with a dream

2010-06-14T20:10:00.002-05:00

Big XII will most likely not add any other Texas schools (already have Texas, A&M, TTU, Baylor) but probably will pursue other markets. I like to see XII add Florida State LSU, Arkansas, Alabama, Michigan, Ole Miss.

This piss-ignorant observation was posted as a comment on the Dallas Morning News story reporting that Texas U. was staying put. My question is this: Why would any of those six schools leave their Blue Chip conferences to join the Big 12 minus 2, also known as Texas and the Nine Pipsqueaks ? This has been a dark, dark day around my house after I got all jazzed up for something shiny and new. Fuck it.

Schedules

2010-06-12T18:05:00.002-05:00

Now that I've decided to concentrate on college football rather than Tea Parties, I'm trying to keep up with what's happening in the Big 12 these days. One question I've been pondering this week is what the season schedule would look like if TAMU followed its Big 12 brethren to the Pac-10 (soon to be Pac-16) conference. This feature in the Dallas News is not necessarily official, but gives me a clearer idea of what the Aggies would be facing as Pac-men. The round-robin against the other eastern teams (which would include the Arizona schools and Colorado) would essentially replace the current three games against Big 12 North teams. Three non-conference games, and two games against the west coast teams. Maybe pick up Baylor as one of the three non-conference games ? All in all, I'm beginning to get a clearer picture of what this may involve, but this looks like an easier row to hoe for TAMU than moving to the SEC and getting hammered regularly.

Change in the air

2010-06-11T13:07:00.000-05:00

The Big 12 conference is coming apart at the seams, and blogspot.com has changed their template designs. Band of Butters gets a new look as a result, just as TAMU football is likely to get a new look, depending on how the current round of musical chairs plays out. Change is good, or so they tell me.

Telecheckmate. Again.

2010-06-07T16:06:00.006-05:00

A few years ago, I had my first head-to-head encounter with a company called Telecheck. During a 20 percent discount sale at Half Price Books, I went on a shopping binge and tried to write three checks in a 48-hour period. The third check was rejected, and it really pissed me off. I called Telecheck and ended up hearing an automated message explaining that personal checks may be disapproved based on the frequency and amount of checks written at a merchant participating in their system. It was my first experience with a profiling process. The check wasn't refused because of insufficient funds, but because I fit the profile of a hot-check artist ?

Somehow, I've become ensnared in the Telecheck matrix again -- Half Price Books is refusing to accept my checks because Telecheck won't approve them. Today I called Telecheck again, and jumped through all the hoops required to speak to a human representative. It was a hassle, but I was too fucking mad to be shuttled off to some machine. The young man who handled my complaint had an accent and fit the profile of someone filling an outsourced job, but he was courteous and confirmed what I already suspected.

People who think racial profiling is a good thing have not been profiled themselves and don't expect to be. I've been profiled as a hot-check writer --- it's humiliating and inconvenient and it influences my attitude toward the whole issue of profiling people.

Don't fence them in

2010-05-25T09:59:00.000-05:00

Paul Krugman has written a column concerning the outpouring of financial contributions from corporate America to the Republican Party. None of this is especially surprising, since the GOP has always used the promise of deregulation to keep their accounts flush with cash.